132-148 Down, 217 To Go!

It’s been 17 runs since my last post (not to be confused with my last confession…)

Song of the run… well, more accurately… song to describe my frame of mind lately…

I haven’t written lately for many reasons, but the biggest might be that every time I thought of sitting down and trying to say something, nothing really came to mind. The last couple of weeks I’ve been working with a vet in the northeast of Scotland gaining experience in large animal work. Now, this might sound like a harebrained idea, considering I have to sit and pass my final exams in less than 4 weeks, but it’s a requirement of my degree and I wouldn’t be Anya if I hadn’t left some work experience for the very last minute!!

I’ve enjoyed myself and my runs here, but I’ve not been in my best place mentally. To know me is to know I can be one irritable woman (to some that would be putting it lightly) and I’ve been in rare form lately. I’ve not really shown it since I’m being hosted by a wonderful loving family, but it’s been simmering under the surface.

True to form, my run tonight was what finally brought myself into the light where I could see her fully and give her a stern talking to! It was about mile 3… kind of late in the day’s journey… when I got it. Something clicked and I felt instantly lighter…

Cue epiphany music!

I’m going to take my chances and tell you a secret. Whenever I have the chance to wish on star, before I blow out my birthday candles, or have an eyelash to blow from my fingertip I ask for the same thing. In those special little moments I ask not for happiness, but to realize my own happiness.

I just feel I always have the capacity to be happy, but I don’t always realize my happiness! What a gift to be given a moment… rather TAKE a moment to revel in your own contentment! I’ve had my wish granted many times, but not lately.

While running, I realized how often I worry about things that have passed and what is around the next corner. Rarely do I sit in the present moment and enjoy what is around me!

I present exhibit A: I’ve recently been occupied with many worries about my future… how will I pass my finals? Will my move back home go smoothly? How will I see everyone in Seattle before moving back to California? How can I leave my UK friends behind?!

And next, exhibit B: There is nothing like the torment of your past… how stupid did I look in front of the farmer when I couldn’t explain the pathogenesis of CCN (cerebrocortical necrosis) in lambs? Could I have spent more time studying while here the past two weeks? Why can’t I get myself to eat better? Could I have run farther, faster, better? I won’t even get into what boggles the mind concerning topics from over two weeks ago!

How often do I relax into myself and realize my surroundings? Sure, I’ve noticed the beauty of this countryside and how good it felt to really laugh. I’ve felt content and happy and unburdened, but all too often it’s after the feeling has passed.

Running tonight I noticed the wet grass and how fun it was to try not to slip in the mud and puddles. I smiled as my run startled the lambs in not one, two, but THREE pastures along the way (sheep are always sheep)! I realized that I’m exactly where I need to be, right now. I’m not where I was or where I’m going. Wishing I was somewhere else will only make me miss what I get to experience right now.

The view at the end of my run... within a minute of taking this shot, there were about 30 head of cattle lining the fence to watch my cool down. Funny beasts!

Exams are coming, but right now I can only control what I accomplish today.

A massive change is around the corner, but figuring out how to handle it and what to expect will only ensure I miss out on what is left of my time here. It’s such a cliché, but aren’t I better to cross that bridge when I come to it? Won’t I be happier if I allow myself to take in the color of the grass where I am?

Le sigh…

So, yea. I’m here right now. I’m going to just simmer in my own happiness in this moment.

But maybe I'll think about a new pair of shoes...