Now it’s getting personal…

Almost daily, I receive a motivational quote from Runner’s World (a magazine). Here was a recent one:

“It’s about you. It’s personal. You’re not racing against anyone else. You only get one first time, so just enjoy the experience.” -Kristie Cranford

Now, I don’t know who Kristie is and what she is talking about doing for the first time… maybe a 5K, maybe a marathon, or maybe just a run around the block. What struck me when I first opened this “Daily Kick in the Butt” as they call it, was that I immediately figured she just meant all of it… ya know, just life. We only get one crack at it; “you only get one first time.”

Lately, I’ve been overwhelmed. Not many people would have been able to see the stress, but my momma did… and somehow we got to talking about this blog. I was telling her how much I have going on and coming up, and how I couldn’t even get my S%*$ together enough to figure out what to write! Well, she put it simply. “Just write about that.”

So here I am. Writing about it. What exactly IT was, I’m not sure. I just knew that I was having runner’s blog block… I didn’t know where to begin.

The past week has been busy, but pretty spectacular. I’ve started another quarter at school, been able to spend time with some great people (new and old), and have used all my pent up anxiety over my looming work load to get my butt uber organized! BUT, my biggest accomplishment is that I have recommitted myself to my training schedule for the LA Marathon (creeping up on March 18)! I have run my little heart out and am starting to really feel the benefits.

Such was tonight. I had a full day of school followed by a shift at my lil’ part time job, then arrived home and knew where I wanted to be most… the road. I pulled on my new compression running pants (thanks sister), my reflective arm/anklebands (you’re welcome mother), and a little blinky light to go greet the evening. It was cold, dark, and the most refreshingly exhilarating run I’ve had for months.

Then it hit me…

All these ideas for what to write started flooding into my big nugget, tucked in my cozy hat (thanks Challenged Athlete’s Foundation!). Oh the things that can pass through your mind while you have little to distract besides your own foot-beats and breath.

My biggest thought was this:

Like Kristie said, while kicking my butt into gear, “It’s about you… you aren’t racing against anyone else.” Life is what YOU make it. If YOU allow yourself to get overwhelmed, life will be overwhelming. If YOU say you can’t run a marathon, ya probably never will. If YOU make excuses, no one is going to give a hoot! Seriously, what could be simpler than that?! “It’s personal.” Yup, could have told you that. Life is personal. YOUR life is personal. You can treat people like crap and be lazy at work and not take care of your own mental, physical, and spiritual well-being. Do whatever ya want…

BUT at the end of the day… at the end of this life… potentially before the end of next October… you are the only person responsible for where you are, what you are, and who YOU really are.

So, yeah, I’d say that’s pretty personal.

This little blog isn’t really for anyone other than myself. It is personal, but I wanted to share some of “my personal” with everyone who takes the time to read it. So, thanks for your time. I’m always excited to hear your stories, get some feedback, or even calmly accept your criticism

On that note, just humor me. You don’t have to be a runner, you don’t even have to be in any kind of shape… just one time this week unplug yourself, go at it alone, allow yourself to be in your own personal space… I bet you’ll discover someone you love… YOU!

PROS from today’s run:
- smell of grilled fennel (or something like it)
- feeling like I was the only person with the guts to be out tonight, running
- running without my iPod, yet singing LMFAO’s “I’m sexy and I know it” to myself

LMFAO – Sexy and I know it

CONS:
- it seems that no matter how old and wise I become, I will always believe that shadows in the darkness are tarantulas preparing to bounce… gives me the creeeeeeeeps!!!
- realizing that my running buddy Rufus (who didn’t come on tonight’s 4-miler) is truly retired from his running days…  but he stills loves to in his dreams

I’m baaaack (or at least working on it)!!!

It all starts with a tree…

Let me 'splain...

On a run yesterday, I thought about this blog. I have done that many times over the past year and a half. After over 7 months of running daily after setting my goal and starting this blog, I just stopped. There is a good reason, but I struggled with how to begin again. I even struggled just now with what to actually write to kick-off my grand RE-opening of this blog… that first sentence wasn’t world-changing, but isn’t the point to first change yourself?

Over a year ago, on August 12, 2010, I was working away as an intern at an equine hospital back in the good ol’ U.S.A. I was just getting the hang of things, becoming used to my 95 hours of work in an average week and feeling like a part of the team…. and I was running everyday. It’s true that on some days I only covered a mile (barely), but I was putting on my shoes and running. Then I got a text that changed my life…

My father, my Apu, had fallen. He was taken to the hospital, but due to the medication he took for a chronic heart disease, his injuries were worse than if he’d been healthy. There was not time to waste. I had to get home.

Less than 48 hours later, Apu died while my family and I were with him. To lose a parent is one terrible thing. To also lose your friend, mentor, and hero is another. I would love to say that I dealt with my heartache by turning to the power of running… I didn’t. I curled up on the couch, covered my head in a blanket, and cried.

I have learned a great deal about myself and about my life in the time since Apu died. Yes, I have put my shoes on again since that August. I left the house and ran. It felt good, but it wasn’t life changing. I kept waiting for the powerful connection I had felt before; to myself, to others, to the earth. It never really came.

Then I was introduced to Ayurveda. For those of you who have never heard of Ayurveda, google it. All I will say is that I regained myself through Ayurveda and the practices of meditation, mantra, and yoga that it involves. It happened quickly, but I woke up each day with light back in my life.

End of story… um, no. You see, when you are 30 (hit that milestone last August), you THINK you should have it all figured out. Apparently you DON’T. I hit a rough patch and WHAM! I let all the good I had done fall away! Damnit…

The beauty of life is that you never lose it all, even when it feels like you have. All that I have learned is still there, all the good I have done (and supposedly undone) is just below the surface. The trick is digging through all of your fear and laziness and hesitation to get back to it!

I have started to dig…

I signed up to run the LA Marathon next March at a very good friend’s urging. I in-turn have urged my sister to register and now have some training to do! A 26.2 miles run was not all the inspiration I have received recently…

If you need inspiration, look no further than:

My brother, Andre.

My friends Kate and Susan.

I have been so incredibly fortunate to be related to and introduced by people who are grabbing onto life. The three above are just the tip of the iceberg. There are people out in the world that get themselves out of bed everyday and say to the world, “Give me all you’ve got. I will not only grab it, but I plan on holding on pretty damn tight!”

So, while running yesterday I thought about this blog… and then I raised my head and saw a beautiful tree. It made me smile. I grinned because I realized how much I appreciated such a beautiful tree, changing colors with the seasons, and that I felt so lucky to be alive and running.

Life is to be enjoyed. It is to be celebrated. Now, back to that digging…

149-159 Down, 206 To Go!

This is going to be short and sweet….

Maybe you’d like to hear a song while you read? I’m kind of into it right now and it gets my butt-a-movin’

I haven’t been posting (which is becoming my go-to opener these days), but I have been running!  Actually, it is kind of the highlight of my day…

Something happens when you make running a daily effort… it becomes such an integral part of your day, that the thought of a day without it just kind of feels wrong… like going a day without eating, or talking to a loved one… waaaay worse than a day without chocolate (which I’ve managed more frequently lately).

My run is my oasis. It’s a place I get to be by myself, in my own head, listening more closely to my body – its needs, aches, and the post-run high. It’s true! Running gives you a high and it’s totally legal and without any of those annoying overdose hazards! Know what I mean, Vern?

With my final exams looming, I’ve needed my run more than ever. Thankfully, I started this project so long ago, because running isn’t a difficult addition to my study days… it’s a must-have and I love it.

YEA! What’s your favorite part of your day?

Great song by a great singer and kind of like the emotional swell running gives me…

Get it on iTunes!

132-148 Down, 217 To Go!

It’s been 17 runs since my last post (not to be confused with my last confession…)

Song of the run… well, more accurately… song to describe my frame of mind lately…

I haven’t written lately for many reasons, but the biggest might be that every time I thought of sitting down and trying to say something, nothing really came to mind. The last couple of weeks I’ve been working with a vet in the northeast of Scotland gaining experience in large animal work. Now, this might sound like a harebrained idea, considering I have to sit and pass my final exams in less than 4 weeks, but it’s a requirement of my degree and I wouldn’t be Anya if I hadn’t left some work experience for the very last minute!!

I’ve enjoyed myself and my runs here, but I’ve not been in my best place mentally. To know me is to know I can be one irritable woman (to some that would be putting it lightly) and I’ve been in rare form lately. I’ve not really shown it since I’m being hosted by a wonderful loving family, but it’s been simmering under the surface.

True to form, my run tonight was what finally brought myself into the light where I could see her fully and give her a stern talking to! It was about mile 3… kind of late in the day’s journey… when I got it. Something clicked and I felt instantly lighter…

Cue epiphany music!

I’m going to take my chances and tell you a secret. Whenever I have the chance to wish on star, before I blow out my birthday candles, or have an eyelash to blow from my fingertip I ask for the same thing. In those special little moments I ask not for happiness, but to realize my own happiness.

I just feel I always have the capacity to be happy, but I don’t always realize my happiness! What a gift to be given a moment… rather TAKE a moment to revel in your own contentment! I’ve had my wish granted many times, but not lately.

While running, I realized how often I worry about things that have passed and what is around the next corner. Rarely do I sit in the present moment and enjoy what is around me!

I present exhibit A: I’ve recently been occupied with many worries about my future… how will I pass my finals? Will my move back home go smoothly? How will I see everyone in Seattle before moving back to California? How can I leave my UK friends behind?!

And next, exhibit B: There is nothing like the torment of your past… how stupid did I look in front of the farmer when I couldn’t explain the pathogenesis of CCN (cerebrocortical necrosis) in lambs? Could I have spent more time studying while here the past two weeks? Why can’t I get myself to eat better? Could I have run farther, faster, better? I won’t even get into what boggles the mind concerning topics from over two weeks ago!

How often do I relax into myself and realize my surroundings? Sure, I’ve noticed the beauty of this countryside and how good it felt to really laugh. I’ve felt content and happy and unburdened, but all too often it’s after the feeling has passed.

Running tonight I noticed the wet grass and how fun it was to try not to slip in the mud and puddles. I smiled as my run startled the lambs in not one, two, but THREE pastures along the way (sheep are always sheep)! I realized that I’m exactly where I need to be, right now. I’m not where I was or where I’m going. Wishing I was somewhere else will only make me miss what I get to experience right now.

The view at the end of my run... within a minute of taking this shot, there were about 30 head of cattle lining the fence to watch my cool down. Funny beasts!

Exams are coming, but right now I can only control what I accomplish today.

A massive change is around the corner, but figuring out how to handle it and what to expect will only ensure I miss out on what is left of my time here. It’s such a cliché, but aren’t I better to cross that bridge when I come to it? Won’t I be happier if I allow myself to take in the color of the grass where I am?

Le sigh…

So, yea. I’m here right now. I’m going to just simmer in my own happiness in this moment.

But maybe I'll think about a new pair of shoes...

127-131 Down, 234 To Go!

It was a late night run… 10:30pm and only about a mile fit in. But it’s been a tough week and I’m proud of myself for continuing to run each day. Today, I put off my run because I was caught up in a novel. Yup, read a book in one day because I couldn’t put it down. I won’t tell you which book because you’d probably laugh at me, but for where I’m at it was what I needed… life-affirming, faithful, and all about the beauty of love (in its many forms). And so it brings me to this:

A word to my Mutha…

The summer before I moved to London... can't believe 5 years have gone by

So, no Mother’s Day card or even a call. I FB’ed you and you didn’t even chide me for it, so thank you. In lieu of an appropriately timed Happy Mother’s Day wish, I give you this note of thanks and love. It won’t be tear-jerking enough unless you play this while reading:

Mrs. Jumbo and Dumbo

I’ve always loved that scene and the song itself came to me as I ran along tonight and thought of you. Earlier, when you called, you were so understanding when I brushed you off to finish my book even though you had just done me such a big favor. I could also tell you just wanted to share your excitement about  me finally coming home. I get that, but I’m not entirely there yet… I know you understand.

You have always understood me, even when I believed stubbornly that you didn’t. Thank you for knowing me and seeing when I was heading in the wrong direction, but generally staying out of my way so that I might learn from stumbling. Only the very best mothers can do that and I know it isn’t easy. I also know you only give me a hard time or worry aloud because you want the very best for me. I see that and I promise I have your voice in my head, even though I rarely allow anyone to see how much I’m affected. But you probably already know that, too.

Thanks for having the energy of two parents. I know you see how much I’m like Apu and how much he means to all of your children, but I hope you’ve never felt that we could possibly love him anymore than we cherish you. You were the creator of the still-infamous van-dance, the physical parent that ran us from soccer to dance to music lessons (well, Andre didn’t do dance at least), and the one that somehow corralled three tasmanian devils while keeping the house on its foundation AND  maintained some aspect of your nursing career going. We owe our verbose spunk to you, and don’t we all know it?!

I love you, Mom. You have become a great friend and remain a supportive, loving parent. I’m sorry for the grief I’ve given you, for every time my anger has been mis-directed, and for not finding better and more constructive ways to express myself. Your open heart and understanding of my personal beliefs and faith has made me realize how lucky I am to have such an incredible person as my mother.

So, shucks, thanks a million. You are pretty alright. I love you. Say goodnight Gracie Happy (ever so belated) Mother’s Day!

125 & 126 Down, 239 To Go!

Yesterday and this evening I ran unplugged. An iPod doesn’t charge itself… yet.

Like so many things in life, you don’t realize the space the music, the noise fills until it’s not there. It’s amazing to me the sounds I’ve shut out by plugging those ill-fitting pegs into my ears! What also strikes me is the things I see and smell when I’m running without music… I can’t even describe it all.

Try it if you always run with music. You might surprise yourself with how much you really enjoy the experience. I assume it’s like trying out barefoot running (more on this movement another post) after years of wearing the newest and most technically advanced shoes… like you never realized that there’d be something between you and the road this whole time.

117-124 Down, 241 To Go!

You know that scene in Office Space, where the guys stop in a field after their last day at the company? Oh, you know the one… when they beat the crap out of that printer! Solid gold.

My new habits have died pretty sad and pathetic deaths, much like that piece of fine office machinery. BUT…

Ya win some, you lose some… right now, I’m just happy to be staying in the game. I’m running everyday and doing a pretty okay job at surviving a very stressful and emotional time of my life.

I am not that printer, even though I feel that guy’s heel in my chest on some days. I am, in fact, one of the three… someone who needs a little cathartic bat action. I don’t want to take my stress and difficulties out on people… especially those that I love, who love me, and who have been so supportive and loving. I DO take out everything on the road… on my legs… and on my iPod. Thank you, iPod. You make some of my runs so much more releasing. If you don’t know what I mean, listen to pretty much any Paramore song… or something harder, like Pantera. Haha… no really, MIA is suitable, too.

Watch THIS… doesn’t that just make you feel better?

Do you know what I mean? If I’m not making sense (which is highly likely considering coherence isn’t currently my forte) just take my word for it. Get out there and do something physical; put all of your angst and trouble and frustration behind it. Find some way to channel all the ick into forward momentum… it’s a great feeling.

110-116 Down, 229 To Go!

OK, BEST cool down song EVER… even though it’s about loneliness, I love using this song to stretch and recover a bit. If you don’t know their music, you should really really check it out. Gipsy Kings. Pasajero is their best album (in my opinion).

Back to the running…

It’s been about a week since I last posted and I kind of feel bad about that. It’s not that I think there are readers out there pining for my next edition, but I think I should probably stick to my commitments a little bit better…

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

I mean, COME ON! I run EVERY friggin’ DAY! I’ve made such a stellar habit out of running each day that my friends bring it up when making plans (ie “well, you could run before we meet up” or “can you run a bit later so we can hang out and talk for a bit?”), I laugh in the face of doomsday clouds and hangovers, the employees of Blockbuster and Tesco enquire about my progress, and feeling lazy now means I’ve run under 2 miles that day! Not too shabby…

BUT…

Complacency will only allow my progress to stutter to a halt. Will Rogers once said, “Even if you’re on the right track you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” I believe you can make any action a habit and I’m pretty sure most people would agree with me. My newest is running everyday, while my Mom kisses her debit card after getting out cash (so she doesn’t forget it in the machine) and my loveably neurotic flatmate kisses her dog 6 times before leaving the house (not an especially useful habit to anyone else, but her and Baloo!). So, I’ve achieved one new and positive habit… time for  some more!

• Eating more healthily (meaning eating less processes crap and more fruit and veg)
• Thinking kindly of those around me, with less judgement and more compassion
• Cleaning/organizing at least one drawer/box/area everday… this will become packing soon
• Vacuuming once/week
• Having 2-3 hard training days/week (BOSTON!!!)
• Emailing or calling one family member or friend everyday

Now, that is a small list for some and a large one for others. For me (who is really the one who actually needs to do these things… wouldn’t your list be pretty different?), these items are NOT habits. They are just little things I really wish I did more regularly. I mean, who doesn’t want to talk to friends and family more often?! It’s just the doing that’s the trouble… like those first few steps out the door.

Buddhism teaches of impermanence, which I’m pretty sure I have mentioned. It’s not a belief or a theory, but pretty much how it works. Think back over the last 5-10 years of your life. What about the past 15-20 (if you should be so lucky to have that much experience)? Much has changed. Nothing is quite the same as it was in probably any point of your history, right?! Even the relationships you are still a part of have grown or shrunk; have changed in some noticeable way. Our circumstances, our geological position on the planet, and our body is not the exact same as it was even an hour ago (and if you are still on your couch, maybe you should get up and move around a little. If for no other reason, then to make me right… I like being right.)

What’s my point? Ummm… wait a second… I swear I had one!

It’s this: Life keeps changing, so we should use each day to find someway to change with it. If it’s a long term goal (like qualifying for Boston) or just a little resolution for the moment (I’ll smile at the next person I see), there is always… ALWAYS some way to do what you want, to make yourself into who you want to be, to start working on making that action a habit that you can be proud of…

I’m no expert, but I’ve gotten the hang of this habit forming thing and am thinking I should make another before I lose my touch.

PS: Congrats to all of the runners of yesterday’s London Marathon! I enjoyed cheering you on and soaking up the inspiration. Even if you had to walk or didn’t cross the finish, remember you at least said Good Morning to the starting line… it’s at least a step in the right direction. Well done everyone!!

109 Down, 256 To Go!

New day… new goal!

No, I have not decided to forego the completion of 365 straight runs, but I HAVE come up with a longer term goal while running tonight that I’m initally very enthusiastic about…

Qualify for and run the Boston Marathon by my 35th birthday!

I just looked up the definition of “goal.” As you might imagine, there are several. My favorite was, “Dream with a deadline.” It’s from a business dictionary online and that kind of makes sense to me, since many in business would consider success their ultimate dream… and wouldn’t setting and reaching goals aid in that endeavor?

So back to Anya Goal #137.

The Boston Marathon is the world’s longest running annual marathon, which is being run for the 114th time today! What a great day to come up with my new personal challenge (I knew it was coming up, but was reminded by Bostonian Coach Caitlin that today was Patriot’s Day… the holiday on which the marathon is held)! This particular marathon is highly regarded among distance runners as a bit of an Everest, for it requires a qualifying time for entry. That time for my age group (which will remain my age group as long as I qualify and run Boston before Aug. 29, 2016) is 3 hours and 40 minutes… a mere 47 minutes faster than my marathon personal best (which doesn’t seem like much until you break it down to the 1 min 45 secs I’ll have to knock off PER MILE for 26 miles and 385 yards… no sweat!).

But, I love goals. I enjoy setting myself a task and working my little heart out until I achieve it. It’s fun for me. It’s motivation to push myself to get off my butt and having an end somehow justifies the means… because really, it’s mainly about the journey. If this blog hasn’t taught me at least that much, I’m not doing this correctly…

So, one of the first steps in achieving any goal… after setting the deadline to the dream and spending a few feverish minutes sketching out a plan of action… is to tell someone. Actually, it’s best to tell several someones. I’ve already gushed with excitement (not readily shared) about my idea to my sister, Coach Caitlin, my brother, and my flatmate Kelly. I think Baloo overheard, but he’s not into distance running… yet! My Mom will know almost as soon as this blog is published, as she is my best reader. My Father will then know within moments of her reading… ah, spread the word!  The best way to keep yourself honest is to move forward with the knowledge that more than just you will know if you fail. Hey, it works.

So, inclusion into the ranks of elite marathon runners – YES PLEASE! Therefore, multiyear training plan – GO!!

PS: Salmon baked covered in raw avocado with a light sprinkle of cumin and sea salt over brown rice… YUMMY!

108 Down, 257 To Go!

It’s always a great change of pace to not only run at a different venue, but to also add a partner! Today, I headed to the beautiful Trent Park with my great running buddy Caitlin. We covered a few miles and plenty of subjects as we enjoyed the sunshine along the trails.

Sometimes a little company and a new cardiovascular workout (my motor-mouth and lots of adventure on each of our horizons) makes getting out the door the best decision you made all day!